She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
