When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
