for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
