I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
