so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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