I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
