Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize