I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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