I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
