i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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