So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
