I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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