My sheets look like a crime scene.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize