he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
