He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
