The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
