ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
