whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
