my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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