She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize