at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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