just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I want to be your penis for a week.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
