I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize