How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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