OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
