I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
