I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
