He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
