Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
