People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize