K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
