we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
