If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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