it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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