We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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