Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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