You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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