I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The Olympian is in my bed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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