I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This beer is not sobering me up at all
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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