Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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