Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
