I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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