Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
