when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize