so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
