I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
