so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
