I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize