I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ttyl tear gas
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
