so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
