i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
