Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
