Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize