The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
