I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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