I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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