the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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