Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
