It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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