I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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