So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
