At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
