we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
