We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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