last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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