haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just cut my nipple shaving
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize