what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
