Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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