Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
