The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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