I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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