hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
50% drunk capacity currently
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
