Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
