Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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