no, he came in my armpit
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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