I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
