Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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