You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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