I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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