Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize