I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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