I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
