Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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