Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
