TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
