last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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