one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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