And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found the puke drawer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
