she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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