Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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