i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
