Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
