The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
