Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
