I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
