he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
