you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
