i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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